I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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