I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
