I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
