Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
