you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
