so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
