Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
