it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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