Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
