Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
