You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
