Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
