We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
