so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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