before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've blown a few things in my day
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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