Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
