i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
