i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
