last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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