She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
