i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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