I'm so fucking centered right now
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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