roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
