I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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