Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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