I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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