Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
