somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
