we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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