why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
