Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
