Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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