i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
