I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
