My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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