Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
