His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My breath smells like gin and sadness
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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