He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
