Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
