I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
