I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
