That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
