I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
