What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
