Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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