if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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