i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
