some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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