..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
