I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
