I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Randomize
