I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So much Jack, so little girl.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
