chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
