Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
