Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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