the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I had to cum in my sink.
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