it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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