Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Green mimosas i think yes
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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