4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
