my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
