Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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