you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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