My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
